Bitia shares how Desteni ‘I’ Process has assisted her to change her relationship to fear and how she is now walking into the next phase of her life with confidence and self-trust. May her story of self-empowerment be a source of inspiration for many!!
“I began the DIP Pro course 9 months ago. The first thing that I appreciated about it is the way it is structured, because it allows me to work thoroughly with specific points, placing them all first in front of me through writing, then walking the self-forgiveness, and eventually the self-corrective statements.
My longest and most recent completed assignment is one where I covered my fear of going to university. As a youngster of 19 years old, soon stepping out of my “teens” and becoming a young adult, I found myself extremely anxious in the face of new decisions, like choosing the career path that I wanted to undertake, and therefore the kind of future that I want for myself.
Immigrant at the age of 12 with my mother, in a completely different environment from which I grew up, after 7 years, I found myself with mixed feelings, I felt lost, I didn’t know what road my life should take. My family, the culture that I related to, many friends, and my mother tongue were all in Mexico (where I was born), my career, and the hope of a better future were in Canada, in the city of Montreal, and the tranquillity, the friendships, and the joy of living around nature I found in a little village in Canada, 15 hours away from the city. I wanted everything at the same time, but I couldn’t have it, I felt lost, not belonging anywhere. “What do I want my life to look like in the future? What will I define as happiness and self-fulfilment?” – I asked myself. “Who I am, Where do I go, Who will I be?” – Existential questions like these came more often to my mind, from which a certain confusion arose.
That confusion came like a storm in my mind, the worst part of the storm began about 6 months ago, when my body began to show more and more signs and alerts that the anxiety and stress under which I lived everyday, since a very young age, were harming me. A top student, having earned “excellence recognitions” in most of my years of schooling, I felt unfulfilled and unbalanced in the inside, having a highly developed academic intelligence, but lacking a practical and emotional one. I knew that I couldn’t continue living the way I did, in constant pain due to various digestive and dermatological ailments caused by the stress and anxiety that I felt constantly. I felt weak, my emotions were crushing me. I lacked interaction with people around me, due in the most part to the time I devoted to my studies.
My lack of patience and my tendency to overwhelm and drown myself in my own sea of emotions led me to a very dark place inside myself, where I began to think that nothing was really worth it and that I wouldn’t be able to succeed in university with all those emotions taking over me. Even though I had the tools presented in the DIP, I felt weak in the face of my emotions, I didn’t feel capable of overcoming that constant stress and anxiety, and being a calm and directive person, I lacked self-trust. I got to a point where, by the end of my 2 very successful years of College, I almost dropped out and refused my admission to law school, my fear of it was paralyzing, and I considered suicide as a way of ending that internal relentlessness.
I would say that getting to such a low point and almost compromising my future, even though it was very hard, at the same time opened my eyes to considering “living” as a decision, instead of suiciding myself, and if I opt for living, then why not live differently? Do I really need fear and stress? Why do I need to live like this? Why couldn’t I be calm and self-directive? – So, despite my lack of self-trust to handle my emotions, I still gave a try to using the DIP to step out of that state. I wrote my assignment slowly, but thoroughly, and had weekly chats with my buddy, which were very supportive.
When I finished my assignment and read what I had written, I realized that change starts with understanding. By writing what was going on in my mind, structuring it, and answering my own questions until I came to points of realization in the self-forgiveness statements, what I was doing was understanding, understanding how my fear came to be, how it was manifesting itself, and also what consequences it was having and could have had in my life – what happened once I understood what I was doing…to myself…is that, I couldn’t go back to that state of fear again.
It isn’t magic, it is just understanding. Let’s take for example a child that enjoys feeding ducks, but then someone explains to him the detail of how he is harming the animal by feeding him – once the child understands and is aware of this, he can no longer come back to his initial point of ignorance, and the next time he will see ducks, he will think twice before feeding them, and most probably won’t do it. Well, that’s what the Desteni I Process has helped me to achieve, a point of self-understanding in relation to my fear, almost paranoia of university, a state to which I just can’t go back, because I understand more what it is, how it came to be, and where it will lead me if I remain there.
I am soon entering university, I feel a little nervous, the fear still emerges, but it doesn’t paralyze me as it used to. Before, I used to express my own self-doubt and lack of self-trust by asking people if they thought that the career path that I chose, that of law, is the right choice for me, many discouraged me from doing so, telling me that it is a very stressing and demanding path, which made me feel even more nervous and afraid – today, I tell people that I am going to study law, I agree with them that the career will be demanding, but I also say that I trust myself and that I will do my best to succeed.
To conclude, I can say that, as I am entering a new stage of my life and facing important decisions, choosing in between many different roads, regardless of the part of the world in which I live, DIP is helping me to make the best decisions, because I am not letting myself be led by my emotions, and the choices that I am making are often backed with understanding. I am glad that I gave DIP a try, the more I use it, the more I find it interesting, the more I am passionate about understanding myself.
I can say that I have changed, I am calmer and much more stable than I was 6 months ago, people around me have commented on this change and my family is happy to see me well again, ready for these coming years full of challenges.
I am very grateful to my buddy and to the DIP team!”