Jan shares his journey in walking the DIP Lite and DIP Pro courses, how he has empowered himself to stand up from alcoholism to become a self-responsible individual:
“I no longer believe that my existence is up to you. From now on it’s up to me. But who is you and me?
During my DIP PRO writing investigation I learned skills which support me to recognize my ability and responsibility. This process started during the DIP LITE course by knowing, seeing, understanding and listening to my self-accepted patterns and expectations. The PRO shows me deeper and more specific skills to be free of my reactions caused by my own thoughts and memories. To in this – see, realise and understand how I’ve been able to internally communicate within/as the extent that I do. This extent named as the mind.
I learned to see my own blame-thoughts and expectations, which I didn’t realized, see and understand in moments of mind-speak. Thoughts that blend with my feelings and emotions. That is how it was possible that I mixed my feelings, during the times when I pointed my finger against others, just because my interpretations and acts as my mind told me to do.
During walking I realized that my progression of new Life results often in disappointing experiences. I realized this because of the ‘why questions’ I asked myself, which showed me the importance of seeing and understand the beginning and the existence of the mind starting points as me in me, as the occurrence of my unfulfilled child’s desires, demands and expectations.
I realized that those old expectations, which I created as my own thoughts, feelings and emotions, had often been replaced by new ones. I replaced the old ones with new ones. And so I compared my new decisions whit old information. Old stuff based on my own accepted and allowed interpretations, had been walking around as my/the mind existence and expectations.
So, more and more, step by step, I realized that my/the first step to take was recognize the existence of first ancient initial expectations was one important part of my journey to Life. The second one is recognize and acknowledge the mind as a separate section within E.Y.E.
My awareness journey started when I came to a point in my life that I ended up in a crisis. The cry within me for external attention reached its peak. I drank a lot of alcohol and got suicidal. I was frustrated and confused and fled away from my feelings and emotions. I did not dare to commit suicide, caused by my doubt and fear of the unknown. So I decided to dial 112/911 and told the operator my plan that I wanted to commit suicide. But in my mind actually I longed for recognition and appreciation. So when the officers came to my house they made a proposal. Whether we bring you to a psychiatric hospital, ore you voluntarily go to start with rehab?
From this point in my life it became my responsibility. So you have to make other choices the officers also told me. Because the next time we come to your door we will know what to do. It’s up to you!!! At this stage I was not familiar with the fact that my mind created my own fears, feelings and emotions which controlled my Self-honest physical awareness.
During the journey I learned to watch and become aware of my mind-self and recognized what my thoughts were telling me to do when I move and what moves me. So now, when I recognize a pattern or thought in myself, I introspect and I Move Myself, instead of automatically reacting or drinking beers.
This system I’ve seen in others when I’d been pointing my finger, was my mind existing. During writing and walking I learned to recognize, supported by my DIP LITE and PRO buddies and other Destonians, the blame game I played in/as my own mind-construct.
I realize that this is my responsibility concerns which I’m sincerely facing. I do not drink alcohol anymore for three years and when mind points popup I Stop and Breathe myself out of the reactions in my mind and honestly face my fear resistance instead of drinking beers. The physical behavioral change that took place in the moment I was faced with my fear was flight-response, which I suppressed with alcohol for 3 decades.
With self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements I’m no longer following the suppression and flight-orders of my mind.