When I was young I often held myself back from experimenting and trying new things if I thought it would result in opening myself up to criticism or failure. It was important to me to appear strong within my family dynamic. I didn’t want to be singled out so I avoided big ‘challenges’ unless I knew I could be successful. As a child I wanted to please my mother but I grew to resent this role and all the other people I tried to please. I wanted a break from myself – from my mind and from the roles I took on. The defensive, rebellious person I had become was not easy to contain. The disparity between being myself and wanting to be seen in my scripted version required lots of energy and time. I just wanted to relax. I tried meditation, I tried spiritual pursuits, I tried relationships, I tried drugs and I tried work. I thought if I had a professional ‘label’ – that by virtue of it, I would not have to explain myself to others. I left what I liked doing (art and other activities) and spent a lot of money and time choosing to become a teacher. The problem was, I didn’t really want to be a teacher. To now realize it didn’t have to be that way is a gift I would like to share with others.
There’s more of course, but the point is that if I had a tool like the Desteni I Process when I was in my teens and twenties I could have saved myself a ton of grief. I would have seen the patterns and beliefs that drove the impulses and decisions I made and I would have realized I have a choice: to not participate in my drama and get on with my life!
It’s not easy to face the realization that you can’t go back and have a ‘do over’ – so those of you who can avoid this, I strongly urge you to do so.
– Testimonial by JL